February 2012
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Watcheverythingrabbits:
EVERYTHING RABBITS, JANUARY 2012
“The Amazing Spider-Web Head” Written by Nathan Min Directed by Zack Poitras Video by Mike Antonucci Starring Aaron Jackson, Violet Krumbein, Dru Johnston and Cathryn Mudon
Narration by Cody Lindquist
December 2011
1 post
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Dog and Man
Man: Do you want some bacon?
Dog: No. I normally don't eat bacon.
Man: What if I wrap it in bacon?
Dog: I'm listening...
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Super Smash Bros. - Unlockable Character
At the menu screen, press up-down-up-up-down-left-right on the d-pad. Then hold A+B together as you turn the Nintendo 64 off. Volunteer at a local soup kitchen. Get involved with your church.
October 2011
1 post
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Nerd Confessions: Origami
This one time, during the summer, I worked as a full-time file clerk in a hospital, but there was so much downtime that all I did was practice origami.
I made dozens and dozens of boxes, ninja stars, and paper cranes. And because I didn’t want to take them home or throw them away or have my supervisors find out, I hid my creations around the file room. Sometimes I would write words of...
September 2011
3 posts
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Unpopular Reading Technique
1. Think of a word to read. (i.e. apple)
2. Say all of the individual letters of the word in order really fast. (i.e. A-P-P-L-E)
3. If you speak fast enough, I bet it’ll sound sorta like the actual word. (i.e. aypipielee)
Note: This is not the recommended technique for reading. It’s just something to fall back on.
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Nerd Confessions: Second Dream I Remember Ever...
When I was about seven years old, I had a beautiful dream.
I was in my Tae Kwon Do class, and a pale-faced alien named Nikken was a new student. We became instant friends, kicking and breaking boards in tandem and sparring very playfully with each other.
But then when class was over, Nikken said he had to go home and could never return. He had to take the ghost train to his home planet, and it...
July 2011
2 posts
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“This one time, while waiting for a bus at Port Authority, I played a crane game...”
– My Memory Bank
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June 2011
1 post
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May 2011
3 posts
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A Fun Sunday Afternoon
Go down to your local Best Buy, pick out some DVDs, and ask if you can have them for free. You never know…
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April 2011
1 post
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Nerd Confessions: Internet Pictionary
I went through a phase last year where I would log onto iSketch (online pictionary) and pretend to be a Simpsons fanatic. I would warm up with a story about how much I wanted to live in Springfield and how I identified with Marge and Homer. Then when it was my turn to draw…let’s say my word was ‘apple’….I would draw something like Homer Simpson in his underwear...
March 2011
1 post
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January 2011
1 post
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November 2010
3 posts
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Neither fun, nor a fact
There are 300 Americans total.
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October 2010
4 posts
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The Coldest Day of the Year
Last year, July 18th was colder than the dead of winter. Honest to God. It was so cold the summer swans were frozen solid in midair. All I can say is we’re lucky Uncle Dan got bit by that horsefly the day before or else we’d all be dead.
There we were, the entire family – Mom, Pop, Granddad, Aunt Lizzy, me, Cecilia, and little baby Jeffery – rubbing our hands over Uncle Dan’s beet-red bug...
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“This one time when I was in elementary school, I decided to take up an imaginary...”
– My Memory Bank
September 2010
4 posts
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Nerd Confessions: Magazine Ads
When I was in middle school, I used to collect magazine advertisements. I would tear them out, put them in plastic sleeves, and organize them in a three ring binder. However, if I deemed a magazine advertisement to be especially great, I would photocopy it and place the copy in my binder, so I could preserve the original state of the ad in the magazine.
I wish this were a lie.
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“This one time in middle school, the entire graduating eighth grade class planned...”
– My Memory Bank
August 2010
2 posts
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July 2010
6 posts
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Nerd Confessions: Batman Merchandise
I am disgusted by online reviews of Batman products that start with “Holy (product name), Batman!” Please stop using that phrase and start telling me your experience with the product. You are not Robin. Not even close.
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How I Will Change the World with Computers
One day, laptop in hand, I will travel across the country from business park to business park, searching for unsecured wireless networks from the safety of my car. Once I have access to the shared network printers, I’ll print out a ten page document made to look like a stream of vomit.
“These printers appear to be sick,” an office drone will say.
And that moment will be mine.
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Nerd Confessions: Spitting
Spitting is cool and manly. I wish I were better at spitting, but oftentimes my body gets in the way. I’m riding my bike and spit to the side. It hits the back of my wrist. I’m walking and try to spit on the ground in front of me. It hits my pants. Now I have a wet mark on my pants, and I have to angle it towards the sun so it dries faster. This wouldn’t happen if I were good at...
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“This one time I was enrolled in a taekwondo class that shared space with a...”
– My Memory Bank
June 2010
2 posts
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All the other janitors are dead.
I sit alone in an office many call a closet,
When an unnatural thought occurs to me.
I pour one out for my homies.
I wait for the moment to pass.
And then I clean it up.
Because I am the last janitor.
May 2010
4 posts
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“This one time I was running late to a Yankees game, and by the time I got on the...”
– My Memory Bank
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April 2010
8 posts
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Nerd Confessions: A Serious Problem
I get physically uncomfortable around full-screen DVDs.
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Basketball Diaries #2
This is an account of my second attempt to play basketball in the city.
After the first humiliating attempt to play basketball (here), I decided I needed some practice time alone. I picked a cold, windy day, when I knew there would be nobody on the court.
Sometimes I would glance around to see if anyone was watching before taking a shot. (Think of a dog deciding to hide a bone.) Well, one time,...
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“This one time when I was six years old, I felt like being a grown up, so at the...”
– My Memory Bank
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This song accompanies the comic below.
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March 2010
9 posts
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Nerd Confessions: Missed Opportunity
As an undergrad, this one time, I was entering the dining hall as my friend was leaving. He had a banana in his hand and used it as a gun to shoot me. I clutched my chest to play along. It was only a few minutes later that I realized I was wearing a Superman t-shirt underneath my sweatshirt. Things could have been different. A lot different. This is my biggest regret.