My peeps.
Shout out to all the upper middle class families out there drinking water that comes out of a refrigerator and ish!
I don’t like where I’m at right now
I’ve been having shooting pains in my head all week. Ever since I tried to light that cigarette on a gas stovetop while it was still in my mouth and I lost balance and burned my friggin forehead. Just thinking about it makes me mad and makes me cringe and cringing my forehead hurts like the dickens. And it’s not like I’m one of those guys who can pull off the whole “medical-gauze-around-his-head” look either. I just look weird.
Dog and Man
Man: Do you want some bacon?
Dog: No. I normally don't eat bacon.
Man: What if I wrap it in bacon?
Dog: I'm listening...
Super Smash Bros. - Unlockable Character
At the menu screen, press up-down-up-up-down-left-right on the d-pad. Then hold A+B together as you turn the Nintendo 64 off. Volunteer at a local soup kitchen. Get involved with your church.
Unpopular Reading Technique
1. Think of a word to read. (i.e. apple)
2. Say all of the individual letters of the word in order really fast. (i.e. A-P-P-L-E)
3. If you speak fast enough, I bet it’ll sound sorta like the actual word. (i.e. aypipielee)
Note: This is not the recommended technique for reading. It’s just something to fall back on.
A Fun Sunday Afternoon
Go down to your local Best Buy, pick out some DVDs, and ask if you can have them for free. You never know…
The Coldest Day of the Year
Last year, July 18th was colder than the dead of winter. Honest to God. It was so cold the summer swans were frozen solid in midair. All I can say is we’re lucky Uncle Dan got bit by that horsefly the day before or else we’d all be dead.
There we were, the entire family – Mom, Pop, Granddad, Aunt Lizzy, me, Cecilia, and little baby Jeffery – rubbing our hands over Uncle Dan’s beet-red bug bite to keep warm. And Aunt Lizzy had the gall to say, “Why couldn’t you let the horsefly bite you twice?”
What a bitch!
